Oh, it's been so long. I was actually looking through the blog a couple of days ago, because I couldn't remember exactly what new year's traditions we had tried in the past that weren't our epic hat-making, dance-partying, fondue-eating new year's eve party we have every couple of years. I didn't find much, but I did start looking back through posts, longing for posts from this last year. The truth is, taking a break from blogging here was really important. I needed to sleep more and parent more and just manage more. There wasn't a healthy time to fit blogging into the mix.
I also really needed to check my heart, about why I do this. I've always said it wasn't for "the public", but I certainly did start to check how many hits I got every day, wondering who they were, and what blog post might "they" enjoy. I know lots of people do that, but that feeds something in me that I've worked for years to submit to the Lord. It's that part of me that performs, that really cares what other people think about me and about what I can do. I've recognized this in myself for most of my life, and you'd think that by 37, I'd have that one figured out. But really, defining my identity wtih man's view rather than God's view is a weak point for me and one that I work to keep tabs on, to keep that place submitted and humble and alive and healthy and flowing.
So, it's been good to step away and get that place in my heart more organized according to eternal things. That's happened in a lot of ways--I've been in a season of letting things go that aren't going to last, and don't really matter...and I'm so grateful. It feels good to start the new year with a mound of laundry and mess all around and bills to be paid and unfinished projects everywhere. Why? Well, because I have been exercising my identity muscle, and it's gotten stronger. I know that I don't and won't have everything all sorted out the way I imagine it should be, and that I won't manage to organize and clean every room in this house in the next week, and that I won't be able to overhaul all our family systems to reboot them...while I put awesomely healthy meals on the table and play lots of games and read lots of books and...I know I won't!
Am I growing up? I started reading a chapter of Proverbs a day for January, and yep, right in there it reminds me that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I'm so hoping to stay in that place, where wisdom rests inside me.
Back to the blogging issue. This place is so fun, though! It's so fun for me to look back at our family's days, the mundane captured with my camera. I forget so much, and I love how this reminds me. I want to remember what we did, and why, and how, and I already forget so much!
I will be trying again, to start again the habit of capturing snippets of our life, with grace and peace hanging over me like a blanket, to protect the good things, and to keep out the things that aren't life to our family, to me.
And maybe, I'll share with you all again someday soon! Welcome back!
P.S. "Falling Forward" refers to this post. Awesome word.